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How to Be Cool
1. If you want to be cool, you must wear clothes that do not match. For instance, purple socks with bright yellow shorts, etc. If people make fun of you, talk about how much cooler you are than them.
2. When you are offered a glass of something alcoholic, grab the whole bottle and chug it.
3. Hit on scary-looking gothic guys, especially the ones holding something big and/or sharp. This alone makes you very cool. If they seem to think that you are mentally retarded and tell that to all of their friends, this makes you even cooler.
4. Dress into a different label every day. For example, be emo one day, gothic another day, preppy another day, and geeky another day. The more different you are each day, the better. Of course, this will make people hate you, but you will still be extremely cool if you do this.
5. Walk into traffic and wave to cars that are passing. Keep in mind that you may be injured and/or killed while doing this, but it's worth it to be cool.
6. Wear a LOT of makeup, heavy on the mascara and blush, even if you are a guy. Other people will laugh at you, but that's only because they aren't as cool as you. If you don't have any, steal some from your mother or from one of your friends. The more makeup you wear, the cooler you'll be.
7. Cuss loudly in each sentence, even if you think it might be inappropriate. It's okay to do this around adults, teachers, and etc. because it makes you cool.
8. Learn to skydive and do it at home in your bedroom. You can invite all of your friends over sometimes to watch you. Note again that you may become injured while doing this, but that doesn't matter because if you do this you'll be cool.
9. To be very cool, sing loudly in public, even if you think you don't have a singing voice. The coolest music to sing as loud as you can is country music from the 70s and old Britney Spears songs.
10. Give yourself a 'fro; or, even cooler, don't spend any time on your hair at all. Do not wash or brush it. People may complain, but don't worry about that because you'll be cool if you do this.
11. If someone drops or spills something accidentally, laugh at them as loudly as you can, and point at them. The harder you laugh, the more cool you will be.
12. Listen to music that everyone else hates, even if you don't like it yourself. Play it loudly and sing along to it, and tell everyone that it's your favorite.
If you do all of these things every day without fail, you will be cool. If you miss a day or do not do one of these things, you will not be cool, and no one likes people that are not cool.
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